Running on empty…

God I thank you and love you more than my words can express!!!∞


Hey Y’all! I hope you are reading this while happy, healthy, and in good spirits, and if not I hope that you will soon feel those things and are headed in that direction. ♥


I have other posts that I have written that are ready to be posted and some that are started and not finished, but today has been yet another day that I have been shown that God is the only source that I can personally turn to and depend on for any type of hope at the moment. I am staying true to my commitment for this site so excuse the imperfections, not just for this post, but for all until further notice because honestly right now I don’t want to spend too much time and have no desire trying to be a perfectionist like I have in the past. If I focus on that then it will only take away valuable time that could be spent on getting out the things that I need to. I do sincerely thank each and every person who is taking any amount of their precious time using it to read my words and/or sending positive energy my way. ♥


So, let’s get right into it 😊


I have felt like I was reaching my breaking point many times in the past, and so a few years ago I decided that failure is not an option for me. I made drastic changes to my thought process to stay true to that commitment. It has definitely not always been easy since then to stay in that mind frame at all times, and absolutely not as easy as some people think that it has been for me from the outside looking in.


Since the pandemic started in 2020 I have experienced extremely major setbacks, and it seems that somehow I just haven’t been able to bounce back from all of them. I currently wear every hat that there is for me and my babies with not a single person to help out with anything in any capacity. And as we all know, we are living in some crazy times right now, so I can admit that it is definitely a lot for one person to handle, but my faith keeps me strengthened and pushing through. That is why I don’t subscribe to religion and am so thankful for the personal relationship I have with God, and the opportunity that I’ve had to get to know who and what Jesus represents outside of what religion would have one to believe.


During the past couple of years on top of everything else that I have endured, I have also experienced and am healing from one of the most unfortunate situations I have ever been in. Unfortunately, that says a lot given the number of things that my life has consisted of that were absolutely out of my control. Fortunately though, that situation is something that could be changed, and I believe that I am free from it now -but not before it cost me a significant amount of the things that I had worked so hard to obtain.


However, I didn’t even let that stop me from believing in God and knowing things will get better. After all, nothing in this lifetime lasts forever, whether good or bad, and life must go on. So, now that I have had the time to process it all, I am trying to stay positive and focused on those things getting better instead of focusing on what can’t be undone.


In the past, I have been able to experience and overcome major life events while being a support system to others without having one for myself (even though I did sometimes reach out with no success). However, recently since things got as bad as they did, I decided that I would yet again reach out for help from sources outside of myself. Because after all, we are supposed to help one another. And everybody needs somebody, right? So again, I kind of just felt like it would be helpful to have support in the physical, like maybe someone to pray with and/or just provide me with personal encouraging words or something🤷🏽‍♀️. I figured what better place to turn to than a place of worship. A place whose purpose, or so I thought, is to help people and to possibly bring people closer to God.


Well, if my faith wasn’t already as solid as it is then this last attempt at reaching out for help in this way would have definitely cost me to lose any last little bit of faith or hope that I had left.


See, this is one of the reasons why I continue to thank God as much as I do and believe that He will always sustain me no matter what things may look like. Sure, it gets hard at times, but I can honestly say looking back He has absolutely never failed in getting me through my darkest and toughest hours. And I know that despite how things may look, feel, or seem right now, that this time is no different than any other time in the past.


Anyway, writing this blog was intended to help others, because I, like many others in this world, know how hard life can be and have experienced so many tragic events in my life here on this earth that I often don’t even talk about it because it would seem made up and hard to believe that someone could, or has survived this much crap and still find a way to love sincerely and want to help others. I also don’t feel like a victim, and all of it has only made me acknowledge my strength and resilience, even though I also definitely feel like I don’t need any more proof (haha).


This post here ➡️ Remembering the “WHY” – (, reading stories online of other people being vulnerable and struggling through tough times, other people’s online testimonies of overcoming hard times, as well as the stories of those who have given up, has helped me to continue writing. It has also reminded me that even when I feel drained and like I’m running on empty, there is a much greater purpose, so I must keep going. Because again, Lord knows that it has indeed been a struggle and I have been feeling really drained with little motivation for certain things lately.


Just this past weekend my kids and I watched some of our old home videos, and it reminded me of just how far I’ve come and how much I have accomplished despite the things that I have gone through and am currently experiencing. We are now able to laugh at ourselves when we look back and it feels good, because we can rejoice in knowing that we survived those times (although they thankfully didn’t even know about many of those struggles because it wasn’t their cross to bear, but there were many deaths that affected them so it was no hiding those), and sometimes things were so surreal for us that we actually laugh at the fact that we got through them barely even realizing at the time just how crazy our lives were.


One thing in particular that me and my oldest keeps joking about is how huge I was– literally.


I have struggled with my weight since an early age, but again once I made the decision that failure wasn’t an option and maintained that mind set, not only have I lost around 100lbs over the past few years, but I have kept it off. I’m not finished yet, but I can honestly say that I am super proud of myself for actually finally accomplishing such a major goal. And– Not only did I do it, but I did it naturally, in a healthy way, and it’s something that I still take time to focus on even in the midst of my crazy life. (I’ll make a post going into greater detail about the process because I know it will help others who are also struggling with their weight.)


Another thing that looking back at those videos reminded me of are times that I didn’t really know how I was going to provide or accomplish certain things for me and my babies, because to me I didn’t see a way. It’s evident that even when I didn’t see it, God did, and again that is why I can say that He is able.


I remember going through some of the most difficult times in my life and expressing my feelings to those who called themselves my friends/family only to be told things that I wouldn’t even think of telling them or anyone for that matter in a time of need. It didn’t cause me to be resentful or lose the love I had for them despite me distancing myself from many, but what it did do was help me to realize that I can only truly count on myself.


I am still thankful for those people because they did use to at least acknowledge the positive impact I had on their lives, so I know that it wasn’t all in vain and ultimately there was a lot of good that came from those connections.


I want to say again that I am far from perfect and sure that I am no different than anyone else in that I have done things in my past that have caused others pain, but I can also honestly say that I learned from those things, and they helped me become a better person with the knowledge I gained.


I learn from my imperfections and strive every day to be a better version of myself than the day before.


I could choose to live this life not caring about other people as long as I get what I want; but the truth is, even when I may have done something that caused hurt to one person, there was someone on the other end outside of myself that was greatly benefitting from whatever it was that I was doing. So, even in my wrongs, I was doing something that I believed was right for someone else at the time. I thankfully of course know now that things could have been handled differently.


As I have said before, I live and learn from everything that has happened in my life.


Something else that I learned is that punishing myself based on someone else’s perception of me was never helpful and I ultimately caused myself unnecessary setbacks.


But again, it was a major lesson learned and I no longer feel as though I have to sacrifice my own happiness or accept full responsibility for other people’s actions on top of my own (And of course, I will go into further detail another time on specifics because I know that if I have experienced it that there are others who have as well who may need to hear a true testimony from someone who has gone through it and overcome those obstacles).


Just this morning me and my children were talking about our dreams we had last night, as well as the things that we’ve been seeing online – like people who are being “cancelled” by the culture. Unfortunately, in the real world many of us cancel ourselves before others even have a chance to because we think that it will be one less thing that we have to deal with, or we allow others to convince us that we’re not worthy. It’s always until we know better and realize that ultimately everyone will have an opinion. We eventually come to realize that it’s not our responsibility to hold ourselves to whatever their opinions of us may be, or honestly to even care about those opinions. Besides, people’s opinions of others are many times usually just a projection or reflection of what they truly feel about themselves.


Another thing that I’ve learned over time is that because I choose to not play the victim and don’t give people the response or reaction that they think I should have in certain situations, to them I am not seen as worthy or in need of other people or of any type of help. Of course, in the past I tried doing it their way to a certain extent, but that didn’t get me absolutely anywhere besides feeling worse.


I made a commitment to myself long ago to be authentically and unapologetically me and found that it was a mistake trying to be anything other than just that. That was another thing that helped me to become nonjudgmental of others and accept people for who they are.


Now, that doesn’t mean that me accepting people for who they are gives them permission to stay in my life and use me, it just means that perhaps I will have to love them from a distance rather than up close and personal.


When people have attempted to assist me in different ways I always show and give gratitude because I am truly thankful for the effort whether it was able to help me or not. But, more often than not they have revealed that their attempt was to make themselves feel good and not to genuinely help. I have literally heard it from the mouths of those I’m speaking on, and they act as if they honestly see nothing wrong with that at all.


Most of us know that helping others does actually provide the helper with good feelings, and that is one of the nice things that comes along with helping and I see nothing wrong with that. But I personally don’t want to help just for that reason because I feel it would eventually lead to not wanting to help at all. I’m sure we will all experience times when helping someone may not even come with a thank you, and possibly even met with ungratefulness, and then where would that lead to.


Since an early age and throughout the years many people (whether I knew them personally or they were complete strangers) have confided in me and shared some of their most painful life experiences. It’s one of the things that has helped me understand the importance of showing grace and not taking things personally. Although there are definitely just some mean-spirited people in the world, I understand that people have different reasons behind not being supportive of others. So, regardless of the reasons that I have distanced myself from many, I don’t hold any ill feelings towards them and will still always love them because I understand that we are all walking our own unique paths.


Bottom line is that there are so many people in this world struggling in one way or another and are feeling burned out.


People are tired and giving up on other people, themselves, and just life in general.


We are living in the days where we are constantly overloaded and bombarded with tragedies all over the world thanks to social media and instant access to everything through the internet. It’s become too much for some people to cope with. It certainly doesn’t help that there are also many people living what seems to be fabulous carefree lives online, but not living anything even close to such in reality, which is causing them to fall into a deep depression because they can’t keep up the façade, so they’d rather end it all instead of living in their truth.


With all of that being said, I have heard far too many times how great people think my life is despite what they know for a fact, and what I have expressed, so I am trying to help as best as I can by being as transparent as possible so that others don’t have to feel alone or like they are the only ones experiencing difficult times.


I hope that anyone reading this will at the very least be able to gain insight on a perspective outside of their own to help them to be more accepting of others and to also bring unity in a time that we could surely use more of it.


In the end, we are all much more alike than we are different.


Some of us keep it all to ourselves, and some of us let it all flow like water.


Whatever the case is for you and/or others that you have encountered I hope that you will be encouraged to accept and give more patience and grace, because we all are a decision away from a better or worse life and could switch places with those we judge in a heartbeat.


Well, once again I won’t hold you much longer because believe it or not, all of these attempts at creating these posts are done by me while still feeling burned out but refusing to give up. I will say that I still would greatly like to have a team of supportive people to have as my circle. I definitely don’t always feel like I can do it all alone, it’s just been my only option. I don’t however just want any more personal one-sided relationships like those that I have had in the past. I feel like that is what blogs like this is for, because when I am putting my thoughts here I am not doing it for reciprocity – although I absolutely hope that someone will find it helpful. That is also why I went into the human services field of work because I was able to do what I loved and not feel burned out in my professional and personal life.


Professionally, I love helping others and not expecting anything at all in return. However, having leaching and one-sided personal relationships is what has me feeling this burnout. I’m talking people who would openly tell others about and verbally express sympathy regarding tragedies in my life and make public posts about how supportive I was to them for whatever reason, all the while never even attempting to be to me what they felt I was to them in real life.


Again, I still love those people and probably even more so now that I have distanced myself from the toxicity of it all, because now I can still support, pray, and do other things for them on my own terms without feeling tired because of always being expected to be there at the drop of a dime no matter whether I felt I was able to handle it or not.


I don’t want to end this without also adding that even with this feeling in some areas of my life that I have talked about above, I am absolutely thriving in other areas that matter to me the most. I am looking forward to sharing those things with you all as well. Even typing this right now is causing a big smile on my face as I think about all of the beautiful, blessed areas of my life. It’s truly not all bad, and I am forever grateful that although it’s just me and my babies, we most definitely have fun and feel loved within our small family and make the most of life the best way we know how.


So, until next time, I hope that you all are taking care of yourself and making sure that you are your top priority, because if you don’t take care of you, you can’t and won’t be here and able to care for those you love.


I am praying for you, I am rooting for you, and I love you all sincerely and individually.


Thanks again if you have made it to the end and may God bless you and your loved ones with much happiness and success. 😘